Taking Notes

    When I was younger, I tried a little too hard to be religiously "cool". As I got older, I realized the mature thing to do at church was take notes. All the serious Christians did that, so I felt it was my obligation. Let's be honest though, I wasn't doing this to benefit my relationship with God. I was doing it to look good in other people’s eyes. I wanted everyone to know I was serious about this stuff but in reality I wasn’t.

    Frightened to get called on to read, I would opt out on bringing my bible to service. However, I had my pen and journal out ready to catch all the important stuff the pastor said. Being the 12-year-old I was, I seemed to zone out a lot. I would freak out when I saw the person next to me write something down. I would frantically look around at all the pens moving and realize I had missed something good. Sometimes, as I was listening, nothing I thought good enough to write would entered my ears. Even in those times I would see half the congregation writing.

    The answer to all my problems was this. Cheat. I would “cheat” off other peoples notes. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t writing down dumb, unimportant things. I would just glance to the papers left and right of me. I knew the things they jotted down would be way better than mine, even if I didn’t have enough time to get the whole sentence.

    Sometimes we try to “cheat” on sermon notes in our own lives. Our paper might feel so empty that we feel like we have to pretend we are someone else to fill it. If we can just take a peek at someone else’s life. Act how they act. Do what they do. We think that can fill our pages, but your teachers where right when they said you never learn anything from cheating. If you are “cheating” in your relationship with God, your page will never be full. You will have a list of uncompleted sentences that make no sense to you at all.

    Comparing your life with other peoples will get you nowhere. When we do things with only the intention of impressing others, we miss the point. We shouldn’t be focused on the opinions others have of us, we should seek the opinion of our Creator. What I didn’t know then was, that when writing down notes in church, I should put what touches my heart, not the person’s next to me. That means no cheating or comparing, because you never know if the person next to you is doing the same thing. You can’t live someone else’s relationship with God, you need to make it your own.

Dibs...

Right now I’m not sitting in a quiet place, or in the serenity of nature. I’m not at a youth conference or a church camp. I’m sitting in Starbucks with loud coffee machines I don’t know the name of and people talking all around me. With my headphones in and my Spotify on, I am truly overwhelmed with the love of Jesus and His presence wherever I may be.                                                    

I love the power of worship through music. As I sit here listening to songs by Bethel Music and people like Kari Jobe & Josh Lavender, I can feel the Holy Spirit shooting out with every word sang. I don’t know where or when these songs were recorded, but every time I hear them I feel the presence of God heighten. “Would You come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in, let love come teach me who You are again. Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You and all I wanted was just to be with You.” Listening to these convicting lyrics I pause from typing, finding myself with closed eyes in awe and worship of God. I can feel the Holy Spirit right here in this coffee shop! God is wherever we are whether it be church, the mall, school or Starbucks. 

For me, throughout my teen years, I felt my relationship with God was like a roller-coaster. I would go to a youth event and be at the top of the rollercoaster, then a couple weeks would go by and I would feel the descend.  Then a camp would shoot me back up again. I know many can relate. However, we must remember when we go down God doesn’t hop off the ride, he stays in the seat next to us the whole time. He is always in the same place but sometimes our emotions can throw us off.

Thank the Lord our relationship with God is not based on our emotions. We aren’t always going to feel “on fire” for God, because to be honest it’s not always easy to follow Jesus. Our emotional highs can make us feel closer to Christ, but our relationship with God is NOT dependent on our feelings that come with it.  Our emotions can honestly be messed up. Once a pastor was talking about this and said, “We should just trust what we feel in our heart…right?” Of Course we all said yes. He replied “Although many Christians say this, your heart is deceitful, therefore you should not trust your heart.” Although those words were shocking it really changed my way of thinking. It’s not hard to feel on top when surrounded by Christians, but when you get home continuing in your pursuit towards Jesus is of utmost importance. Even when you aren’t feeling super spiritual, you need to be consistent in worship and devotion after the high.

All this to say, no matter how we feel or where we are, God has dibs on the seat next to us. If we want Him there or not, He is strapped in for the whole ride. When we seek our God, He is here for us, His children. A Kari Jobe song just came on and her words couldn’t be more on point. “The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love You...This love is so deep it’s more than I can stand. I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming” His love is so unconditional, as humans it’s hard to even comprehend. Thank You Jesus that I can feel You while I sit here in Starbucks. Thank You that Your love is overwhelming for us. And thank You for calling dibs on me!

Oh, the UNKNOWN places you'll go...

    Right now is such a crazy time in my life, as it is for most 18 year olds.  Most of my life up till now has been preparing me for this. To pick a college and a major. To find out what I could possibly be doing for the rest of my life. The time came and I found myself asking what I wanted my future to look like, and it looked pretty good. However, I had a feeling God was taking me somewhere totally different. In the book, All the Places to Go, John Ortberg says, "Sometimes when I desperately want 'God's will,' what I really want isn't God's will at all. What I really want is what I want."
    This past summer there was a tug-o-war going on in my brain. I had the decision of going to Indiana Wesleyan University, or wait for it.... move to New Zealand. Most people think no question, New Zealand, but it was a lot harder than that for me. I had a lot of scholarships for IWU, and my sister and best friend go there. That would have been the easiest, and most comfortable decision. I prayed about it for a while and still didn't know. Maybe either choice would have been the "right" choice. Everyday the decision weighed on me and there wasn't a second I didn't think about it. I was so frustrated with everyone constantly asking me what I was going to do, or telling me what I should do. I was looking for God to walk into my room and tell me what I wanted to hear, but that never happened.
     I did finally make up my mind, and I remember the exact moment because I felt such freedom. I decided to go with my parents as missionaries to New Zealand. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, or how long I will stay, but I'm going. I do believe this is where God wants me, but it's still sometimes hard to see. I will just have trust that His plan for my life are way better than mine. I am choosing to live an uncomfortable life in the comfort of my God. I heard a quote said by Corrie Ten Boom that is such a great reminder of the power of our God, she said, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." I don't know my ten year plan or even my one year plan, I'm just following the Leader. God doesn't always give us every piece to the puzzle, but when we get to the missing piece He will put it in for us.